Sticky Beak
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The Skinny
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...life in small Northern towns, working for assholes, boys who refuse to become men, synthetic personalities, anorexic models and their link to emotional scarring, bad marijuana trips, crazies on BC Transit, beer, piece of shit cars, living out of a suitcase paycheck to paycheck, unrequited love, Seinfeld, minimum-wage jobs, broken New Year�s resolutions, and over-limit Visa accounts.
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Starbucks, I COLLEC'!!!! Ok, ok, OK! So... maybe I was a tad quick to judge the whole Starbucks thing... I have to admit that since I was able to get OUT of that bloody back room and on to the floor, I've really enjoyed being there. I think I'll go back for another day. :) Unfortunately though, since I've been there so much this week, I really don't have anything else to share... How about this? Just to keep the people (hopefully) entertained, I'll post a little excerpt from my 'book' about a day spent with my nephew, Caleb. NOTE: Luba, you can skip this one because I'm not disillusioned... you won't like it! :) Well, here I am, back in Burns Lake. Had an interesting car ride with my four year old nephew Caleb today. My sister-in-law and brother were both working, so I volunteered to watch Caleb for a few hours, since I didn�t have much on my agenda anyway. My only plan was to drive 40 minutes to a neighboring town to pick up my parents� dog, Johnny, from the kennel. So, I packed Caleb into the front seat of the truck with me and off we went to collect Johnny. The adventure began as soon as we left the driveway. �Let�s play a game. It�s called �collec�. I collec� Trucks.� Not understanding what the hell the four year old was talking about, I resigned to agreeing with him since I know better than to argue. All of the sudden, we passed a large B.C. Hydro Truck and Caleb yells out, �TRUUUUUUUCK! I COLLEC�!!� Ah-ha. Now I see the object of the game; similar to counting, only without the hassle of keeping score. So now that I understand the game, I see clearly that I�ve been swindled by a four year old; I was assigned school buses, but it�s only 11am. �TRUUUUUUUUCK! I COLLEC�!!!!!� Once we reach town, Caleb suddenly decides to adjusts the rules. �SIGN I COLLEC�! I collec� signs, too.� Since poor Caleb is short and can't see over the dash of the pick-up, each time a passing Truck approached, I'd say "Truck." He'd struggle to sit up as much as possible despite the resistance of his seat belt and yell at the top of his lungs, �TRUUUUUCK! I COLLEC�!!!!� About 15 minutes into the drive � after reciting his favorite songs for me and asking me to stop singing because my song was boring and he didn�t like it � Caleb began to pepper me with questions. �Why are clouds white?� �What are they made out of?� �Does God stand on clouds?� �Does God fly?� GOOD LORD!!! When I signed up for 3 hours of babysitting, I wasn�t aware that I�d need to brush up on my science, theology and philosophy! Being four years old, though, he quickly changed gears. �What�s a word that starts with �H�?� �Truck, Caleb�.� And on, and on, and on until finally, he asked me a question which was incoherent due to his mumbling. Exhausted at this point, rather than ask him to repeat it, I muttered that I didn�t know. �You don�t know anything,� Caleb responded indignantly. �My Daddy knows everything, and so do I!� Well now, I guess we know who�s teaching him... This battery of questions and debate continued the entire way to and from the kennel. As we neared home, Caleb recognized the area as being familiar and strained against his seatbelt for a better view over the dashboard. Unbeknownst to me, we were approaching a property which had several � maybe 5 or 6 � logging trucks parked within view of the highway. As soon as they came into view, Caleb thrust his pointed finger in front of my face in the general direction of the trucks and squealed, �TRUCK I COLLEC�! TRUCK I COLLEC�! TRUCK I COLLEC�! TRUCK I COLLEC�! TRUCK I COLLEC�! TRUCK I COLLEC�! TRUCK I COLLEC�!,� until they were entirely out of sight. MOTHER OF GOD! For being asthmatic, this kid sure as hell has some lungs on him. Finally we pulled into the driveway, two hours after our adventure began. Exhausted, I fell out of the truck and released Johnny onto the world. Caleb jumped from the truck, squealed and ran in circles with Johnny hot on his heels. Later that night I related the entire story to Caleb�s parents, as well as my sister and her husband who were over for drinks. When I�d finished and we�d all had a great laugh, my brother wiped tears from his eyes � which were teeming with pride � and giggled as he told me, �You know, Hol, the best part of that whole story is that it�s Spring Break... that�s why you never saw a single school bus!� Swindled. By a four year old.
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