Sticky Beak
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The Skinny
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...life in small Northern towns, working for assholes, boys who refuse to become men, synthetic personalities, anorexic models and their link to emotional scarring, bad marijuana trips, crazies on BC Transit, beer, piece of shit cars, living out of a suitcase paycheck to paycheck, unrequited love, Seinfeld, minimum-wage jobs, broken New Year�s resolutions, and over-limit Visa accounts.
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Relationship Counselling for Convicts and Their Teenage Bitches So... apparently today's the day of the Apocalypse (6/6/06). Hmmm. I mean, I had a shitty day today, but as far as Apocalypses go it was fairly unimpressive, I have to say. I hate Starbucks. I struggled with it for the full four hours I was there today, trying to determine "Is it me & I'm an old, fuddy-duddy snob, or are these people a bunch of orangutans?" If I'm going to be honest, I have to say that it's probably a combination of the two - although I think my snobbery comes from just having worked in reasonably professional environments the past few years. I was having serious Tastee-Freez flashbacks today. I mean, I had an 'even China Moon would be better than this' moment. That's when you know it's bad. I don't know if I'm going to manage it, but have resolved to at least give it another go tomorrow and see where I am after that. I guess I should explain... For starters, I've spent a total of 9 hours tucked in a freezing back room with the gargantuan 'manual' they gave me on my first day, reading about the perfect cup of coffee, how to properly sweep the floors, and the philosophy of Starbucks. I've even had to do online courses/quizzes. They also gave me 3 little booklets: As an example, the coffee passport has a full page of details pertaining to each specific type of coffee Starbucks roasts, from each region of the world. It indicates aroma (nutty, caramel), flavor (bold, mild), etc... and in the back of the manual is a chart indicating which types of flavors in food help to compliment the coffee itself. I actually did a little assignment today of matching brews of coffee and which pastry I could recommend to customers. IT'S COFFEE, PEOPLE! C-O-F-F-E-E!! And while I'm sitting on my broken metal chair that slants forward so that I occasionally have to slide my ass back to prevent falling right off, there is full-on chaos exploding all around me. At one point, there were six of the seven 'partners' (we're not employees, we're 'partners') in the back room standing around bullshitting at the tops of their lungs. With my head in my hand and pulling the bill of my cap down over my face so they can't see me screaming, I'm pouring over my manual trying to study while listening to this nineteen year old Gong Show announce her exploits with some soon-to-be-released Con who sent her an email from jail calling her 'baby'... "...and I was all "don't call me baby, yo, I'm just bein' nice to your ass" and he was all "baby I know I can be clean and get my ass together and that we can make it, but I need you to do it" and Dude, I was all ready to, you know, kick his ass to the curb because he watched his brother die when they were both in the gang still and (rrriiiinggg....riiinnnnggg)... just a minute, I have to answer my phone... Who? What do you mean WHO is this?! You called me, FOO'! (click)... anyway, so I told him that his heart was on the street and that he'd end up there, and I told him not to say anything to my friends because I know how girls are and they'll just try to get in my head and I'm a smart girl and can figure it out for myself, dude..BLAH BLAH BLAH..." And this went on for a good 40 minutes, no shit. Being that I'd sat in -40 aircon without movement for 3 hours, I asked the assistant store manager (who's apparently training me, but goes hours without talking to me), "what's the process for getting a coffee?" WELL.
"You'll need to stand in line with the customers" So, she goes out and 'orders' my coffee for me by pulling a cup off the pile, writing it on the cup and telling another 'partner' what I wanted. "It's brewing right now," she tells me, "it'll just be a few minutes." I never did get the goddamned coffee. Holy Christ... I don't know if I can do it. |