Sticky Beak
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The Skinny
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...life in small Northern towns, working for assholes, boys who refuse to become men, synthetic personalities, anorexic models and their link to emotional scarring, bad marijuana trips, crazies on BC Transit, beer, piece of shit cars, living out of a suitcase paycheck to paycheck, unrequited love, Seinfeld, minimum-wage jobs, broken New Year�s resolutions, and over-limit Visa accounts.
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glass half empty crushing weight of anxiety sitting on my chest... not really sure why today more than any other day... maybe because I felt like I had my head chewed earlier by a counterpart? maybe because I still haven't reached any conclusions, made any decisions or formulated a plan? maybe because I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with my tasks at hand, having been here a full month now and still not really getting anything "done". maybe it's because I called my sister yesterday to apologize for not talking more the night before when she was sad and to see if she was feeling better, only to encounter a solid wall of defiance and anger which sent me running in the opposite direction and abandoning her once again. maybe it's because I'm feeling more & more like I would like to split myself down the middle, torn like a paper doll, sending one half this way and the other that way in order to avoid having to make any decisions at all. who knows? not I, this much is for certain. sitting here at my desk, having just finished my mom's "red 'psghetti", savouring the flavor and attached sentimentality as it sits on my tongue. feel like I'm pulling petals off a daisy... "she stays, she stays not. she stays..... she stays not." feels like the daisy is pulling my petals, that's what... whatever the hell that means. fuck it. it's all the same. we live, we fuck it up, we die. anyone who has a different map, please let me know... 'cause from where I'm sittin', that's all there is. yup... I'd definitely categorize today as a "glass half empty" kinda day. time to top-up my coffee... metaphorically and literally. with extra cream. giddy-up. |