Sticky Beak
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The Skinny
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...life in small Northern towns, working for assholes, boys who refuse to become men, synthetic personalities, anorexic models and their link to emotional scarring, bad marijuana trips, crazies on BC Transit, beer, piece of shit cars, living out of a suitcase paycheck to paycheck, unrequited love, Seinfeld, minimum-wage jobs, broken New Year�s resolutions, and over-limit Visa accounts.
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A Pit-stop in Wonderland Well, well, well. We meet again... at last. We've been experiencing technical difficulties here in the Ashcroft abode... simply put, my laptop went tits-up a couple months ago. Suddenly the damned thing was possessed and nothing but llllllllllllllllllllllllll's and 5555555555's would show up on screen. And other keys just didn't work. So, in it goes to the nerd crew for a diagnosis. They told me that they would have to replace my keyboard, which can prove to be very expensive. So, naturally, my first question is "What about an external keyboard, would that work?", to which the geek replied, "Oh. I hadn't actually thought of that." And so that was to be our first course of action. Two weeks later, when I hadn't heard any more, I called the crew to get an update. "Bad news, the external keyboard doesn't work, so we're back to the conclusion that the only way to get your laptop operational again is to install a new keyboard." What can I do? Everything I've accumulated over the past 3 years is on this bloody computer... photos, music, writing... everything. Of course I have to go through with getting the damned thing repaired - even if a new laptop probably would cost less. So I OK the new keyboard, as long as the total cost is less than $100. Two weeks later. Still no word, so I call again. "Oh, yeah. So, we installed the new keyboard, and it still didn't solve the problem. I think I miiiight have a solution though, if you're willing to be flexible." "Flexible, how?" "Well, our first option is relocate the 'L' key to a different place on the keyboard." "Uh, I don't think that will work. I do a lot of typing, and to move a key would just skrew me up completely (read: You f'ing idiot! That's not a solution!)." "Ok. Our other option is to try an external keyboard." "But I suggested that in the beginning and you told me it didn't work?" "Oh, right. Well, there might be something I can do to get around the problem. Leave it with me and I'll call you back in the next couple days." So another week goes by and I finally come home to a message on the machine: "Hey, it's [the geek] from [the nerd crew]. We got your computer working with an external keyboard. We did install the new keyboard, but it's pretty much useless and just for looks because it doesn't work." Uh-huh. So, you've had my computer for well over 6 weeks, took it apart, put it back together again with new (expensive) parts that don't work, went back to MY original suggested resolution, and now want me to pay for the part???? Hmmmm. Dodgy. So, of course I paid. I'm such a schmuck and pushover... I sometimes am surprised that I'm able to use a bank machine without stopping my lengthy transaction and moving to the back of the line to avoid inconveniencing others. Oh wait, yeah, I do that... I forgot. Quelle Looooseerrrr. Don't even get Damian started... he was mildly cheezed with me for paying for the keyboard. BUT - I did only pay their cost, and I didn't pay any labour. I thought this a fair trade off, considering how much time they spent trying to solve the riddle of my wacked-out laptop. Although, I did end up buying the external keyboard through them as well... Idiot. What else has happened... hmmm... so much, really. I guess that's the result of not writing for 3 months... news piles up - even in a boring life like my own. Well, I called home on my mom's birthday to wish her a good one, and was informed me that my old man was in the hospital after having had a heart attack. Geezus H. So we threw our bags (already packed for the Dave Matthews concert in the States) in the car and made like bandits in the general direction of BL. 3 hours later and back within cell range, we find out that he didn't actually have a heart attack (hallelujah), but instead suffered from a severe bout of acid reflux, which - combined with his haeatal (sp???) hernea - felt like a heart attack. That was the good news. The bad news was that we still had time to make it to the Dave Matthews concert. Aiyaiyai... Quelle Crap. Next on my dad's agenda, only one month later, was to fall and break his leg whilst descending a ladder face forward from the shop roof, resulting in yet another spa treatment at his reserved Suite in Burns Lake ER, followed by a first class road trip to PG in the back of a squealing ambulance. All this in his first 15 minutes of retirement, too! And the winner of the 2008 Gimp Olympics is..... Meanwhile my two idiot brothers and brother-in-law have been air-dropped into grizzly-infested wilderness to spend a week frolicking in the tall grass and searching for four-legged animals to tack to their livingroom walls. Yippee. And people wonder why I spend so much of my life paranoid and worried. And suddenly Fall is upon us in full bore. The colours are absolutely raging here in the Kootenays - it's spectacular. The colours, the smells, the cold air, the morning fog, the leaves scattered over the lawn... I love Fall. Everything except the black bears that plague us and our poor apple trees. The obvious solution would be to pick the apples, but that would require me climbing a ladder - an activity superceded in danger only by anything involving fire. After all, this redneck comes by clutziness and complete lack of grace honestly, as demonstrated by the above events starring my father. My poor mom. My poor husband! I will never understand what possessed them to knowingly enter into this insanity. I was born into it, so had no choice, and have clawed desperately at the outside world to escape ever since... Maybe they were drugged. Actually...that would explain a lot. The Redneck Mafia's Secret Underground Conspiracy to Infiltrate Society Through Inter-class breeding... Interesting. Verrryyy interrresssttinnnnggg... |