Sticky Beak
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The Skinny
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...life in small Northern towns, working for assholes, boys who refuse to become men, synthetic personalities, anorexic models and their link to emotional scarring, bad marijuana trips, crazies on BC Transit, beer, piece of shit cars, living out of a suitcase paycheck to paycheck, unrequited love, Seinfeld, minimum-wage jobs, broken New Year�s resolutions, and over-limit Visa accounts.
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Life in the Fast Lane I came across a cartoon once that had a picture of a toilet cubicle with two little legs peeking out under the door, and the caption read: I thought it was hilarious, and pasted it inside the stall doors in my office's crapper -- only for a second though, because I was already swimming in dangerous waters at that time with the psychopath HR Dirctor, and thought better not to disturb the piranha. But that's a different story altogether. What I'm getting at today, is that one of my current coworkers takes this little 'poop addage' to heart. No shit (no pun intended), this guy spends a minimum of 3 hours a week in the crapper. Minimum. I want to be him. I want to have an active colon that squeezes 40 - 60 minutes of poo out each day. Honestly, there is no justice in this world. I'd do just about anything to get a break from this desk... from my hectic schedule of answering telephones, booking travel, and 3-hole-punching. It's exhausting, being so important and vital to the success of a company. Knowing that so much is riding on my performance. And sick days? Ha. Forget about it... On another note, we take possession of our house on Friday. I am SO looking forward to it. I mean, yeah... moving in to our first home is exciting, you know,... and painting and making it ours - those are all exciting bonuses. But honestly? The most exciting part for us right now? The fact that we won't ever have to deal with our inbred, bordering-on-catatonic-because-she's-so-stupid, bungling idiot of a realtor. Yes, the one who sent me to fetch her coffee. One in the same. She's so far beyond annoying and irritating... In fact, she's moved to that place reserved for only a select few who make my ass clench and my heart-rate jump at the sound of their voice. This is a very elite club... I think she brings the membership to about 3 or 4. I'd have to think about that one. She's definitely in there though, and running for president. yeesh. Well, kids, fun time is over. Time to get back to the grindstone... there's a whoooollleee pile of filing sitting over there just beggung to be 3-hole-punched and filed. The fun never stops here in the fast lane. Giddy-up. |