Sticky Beak
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The Skinny
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...life in small Northern towns, working for assholes, boys who refuse to become men, synthetic personalities, anorexic models and their link to emotional scarring, bad marijuana trips, crazies on BC Transit, beer, piece of shit cars, living out of a suitcase paycheck to paycheck, unrequited love, Seinfeld, minimum-wage jobs, broken New Year�s resolutions, and over-limit Visa accounts.
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Reality Another fucking day. The stress of moving, not working, snowball bills, and the FUCKING BUZZSAW NEXT DOOR are all beginning to take their toll on me and the D-Man. This is not good. His job hasn't improved, which blows because my bargain with him was to give it two weeks and if it hasn't improved, quit. Shit. It's 2 weeks on Sunday. Now what? I've applied and interviewed in like, 5 different places, plus I've got another 3 or 4 applications in at other places, but no joy. For some reason, I'm really unemployable here. This is the best time of year to be unemployed, I guess, but who can afford it??? Especially here? Hallelujah. The buzzsaw stopped... for now... On the upswing, I have a new niece today... Madison Mae. Way to go, Jessica. I always feel that the mothers should be celebrated and ushered home on red velour chairs carried on the shoulders of the father and 5 other men for having squeezed something so tremendous out of her hooey. Yes, I said hooey. I'm very mature. Everyone's so excited about the baby's arrival that the mother is too often overlooked. I really wish that the meth addict blogger in Sidney, Australia was still writing her blog... I could really use a dose of feeling superior to someone today. I know that's a terrible thing to say and I'm gonna burn for it, but what the fuck do I care? I've already got a reservation in hell's V.I.P. lounge, so I may as well give 'er. The measure of success in life is entirely dependent on your metre-stick... who you measure yourself against. This is why it's always important to choose your metre-stick carefully, and why I've selected the Sidney Meth Addict. In a life before she discovered meth, I'm sure she was a fantastic person with great morals and family and friends who loved her. Now, however, the demon drug has dragged her down into the deepest depths of human sewage with a life that no one would wish on their worst enemy. Next to her, I look pretty damned good. Even with my potty-mouth. Of course, I probably shouldn't be so smug right now, given that I could find myself living in a tent down on the beach in about 3 weeks... Still, in a town of burnt-out hippies, it's hard to feel like a loser. Fecking buzzsaw is back... Oh! And now there's another one across the street!... it's like they're whales, calling to eachother.. You know the worst of it? I have a twitch in my left eyelid that has been driving me mental for the past 4 or 5 days now. I've tried massaging it, pressing it, smacking it... nothing seems to work. If there were a place in town that served botox, I'd pay them a visit. Maybe take care of those wrinkles on the bridge of my nose that I discovered last month... "laugh lines". Great. You try to lead a good life, take joy in the small things in life, laugh often and what does it get you????? Wrinkles. Bollocks. There is no justice in this world. I feel like Oscar the Grouch today. Although, I've been advised by friends recently that Oscar is no longer referred to as "the Grouch" - too politically incorrect. And Cookie Monster... well! Apparently the Powers That Be felt that a puppet gorging himself on cookies was providing a poor role model to children - possibly even contributing to child eating disorders - so now he only eats cookies in moderation. No wonder kids now are so fucked up... they're not allowed frivolity or senseless fun anymore... everything has to be proper, in line with Big Brother's opinion, regimented and controlled. I don't know about you, but when I saw Cookie Monster or Oscar, I giggled and clapped because they were hilarious... everyone knew that cookies were a treat and that grumpiness is only occasional... it was just fun. But enough of that soapbox rant. I'm bored. I should probably sign off and do some housework, seeing as I am the unemployed housewife now. Yay! Dishes! It gets better with each passing minute... I need a new metre-stick... any volunteers? |