Sticky Beak
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The Skinny
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...life in small Northern towns, working for assholes, boys who refuse to become men, synthetic personalities, anorexic models and their link to emotional scarring, bad marijuana trips, crazies on BC Transit, beer, piece of shit cars, living out of a suitcase paycheck to paycheck, unrequited love, Seinfeld, minimum-wage jobs, broken New Year�s resolutions, and over-limit Visa accounts.
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"...meh..." Ordinarily I don't get out of bed in the morning until 8:30... maybe 8:45, if I push it. When Damo (the poor sonofabitch) is up and out the door by 5:30 - sometimes earlier - I just curl up with Linus (my 'blankie' that I've become accostomed to keeping me warm when D hogs the duvet) and steal another couple hours of shut-eye. But this morning, my eyes popped open at 7am and my first thought was, "I should go to the gym." Even now, 7:39, I could still go and get 1/2 an hour in and get back home in time to adhere to my usual routine. So what is it that's stopping me???? Why am I such a loser that I have the time, the opportunity, and the MEMBERSHIP, and yet here I sit on my ever-widening ass drinking tea and writing a rhetorical blog that only one, maybe two people read? I know the answer to this question.... Because I'm L-A-Z-Y. That's it. I need a mental make-over. Fuck the ones that make you instantly pretty, well-dressed & give the facade of 'togetherness'... I want a MENTAL make-over. Maybe boot camp would do the trick? Because I figure that if I can get my BRAIN sorted out, that would shoo away the laziness, etc that prevents getting to the gym, as well as all that self-loathing inner-dialogue that constantly ping-pongs back and forth around in my brain like a pinball machine. But where does a lazy, unmotivated gal like me find a mental make-over? 'Cause the real bitch here is that I need to get it sorted out... and we all know that ain't gonna happen! Bollocks. I'm trying to wean myself off of brain pills. I'm not sure this is the best idea ever, but I've been on them for about 7 years now and originally the doc told me 9 months. I've never felt a need to get off them, seeing as I'm relatively sane and enjoy speaking to all my family members, having a 'normal' relationship and being able to go through a day without crying, yelling or having an anxiety attack... BUT. There are 2 things prompting me to flush the meds. 1. My mom's latest (and hopefully GREATEST) diagnosis came from a Naturopath who believes that she isn't dying or suffering from MS / MSA, but that her liver is chalked full of toxins that have built up over the years (mainly from taking prescription & OTC drugs...) and that this is where all of her symptoms have stemmed from. I'm still being 'cautiously optimistic', but hearing about the improvements mom has had in just 3 weeks of following his advice (i.e. diet change and getting off ALL her prescription meds), I have to say there's only been positive changes. VERY positive. Like, a month ago she couldn't take one step on her own, and last week she walked up AND down the stairs!!!! So. Considering the amount of Advil, Robaxacet and the multitude of prescription drugs I take every day... I'm thinking it's not a bad idea to cleanse. 2. We're considering joining the masses and the possibility of breeding in the next few months, and I need a clean system for that. NEXT! This city is sucking the lifeblood out of us. More than the city, though, I think Damian's job is the biggest vampire in our lives at the moment. He's there for 10 - 12 hour days, then comes home and spends another 1 - 2 hours on the computer doing work-related shit. And he HATES it. It's not even as though he's putting in the extra hours so that he can pick it all up faster, or because he's trying to impress... it's not optional. If he doesn't put these hours in, he won't get the work done and then he thinks he's failed. I keep telling him that if he doesn't succeed at this job, it's not him who's failed... the company will have failed him by not providing the support he needed in order to get the job done. Full Stop. Fuck. We really need to get out and work for ourselves... we are so tired of being taken advantage of. And I hate saying that because I work for a friend, and I think she believes she's doing alright by me... We just need to work for ourselves. But not in this place. Not here. Still trying to get to Nelson to join up with Clint and Rozzy, but this is probably on hold until June or July when we can actually get some money squirreled away. We don't want to show up with nothing, and it's likely that it will take a while for both of us to find work. Ideally, we would like one of us to have work prior to going up, but I don't think we're waiting on that anymore... We'll see. Trying to just focus on NOW and do what needs doing in order to make it happen. |