Sticky Beak
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The Skinny
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...life in small Northern towns, working for assholes, boys who refuse to become men, synthetic personalities, anorexic models and their link to emotional scarring, bad marijuana trips, crazies on BC Transit, beer, piece of shit cars, living out of a suitcase paycheck to paycheck, unrequited love, Seinfeld, minimum-wage jobs, broken New Year�s resolutions, and over-limit Visa accounts.
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Ding Dong, The Witch Is Dead... Absolutely nada to report. "Ne pas de report," as my co-worker Roberto would say. That sonofabitch. He's gone to Italy for 3 weeks and left me to work with a spastic pharmacist who bears a frightening resemblance to the tail-chaser from my Bucky days. sigh. My (darling) nephew brought to my attention today that he is of child-bearing years, and in the event that he should (god-forbid) procreate, that would make me a GREAT AUNT. SHUT UP. That totally ruined my day, the little piss-ant. How in the world is it possible for me to be old enough to have an almost-18 year old, sexually active (blech) nephew??? I can't believe I'm in my thirties... jeezus, where did the years go? So the most exciting thing in our lives currently is that we a) purchased a new vehicle (one with brakes AND power-steering), and b) found someone on this planet who is equally if not MORE stupid than we are... some bimbo actually bought our little red beast of a beemer. Ah, it was a cute enough car, I guess... poor kid. She probably woke up this morning and wondered 'what the hell?!*%$#'. TOO BAD SO SAD!! AHAHAHAHAHAHHA! We had very noble plans regarding the allocation of these new funds to our (several) debts, however they were quickly squandered at the Metrotown Shopping Centre. What a nightmare that place is... but that's an entry all its own. Before I sign off, I have to relay something a gal said to me the other day... "Lycra is a priviledge, not a right." Hallelujah, sweetheart. This is what was running through my mind Saturday morning driving through East Vancouver when I was passed by a 50-something year old man on his bicycle wearing spandex pants... It doesn't end there, however. No, no. The pants were actually designed to imitate ACID WASH JEANS. Somewhere, some pseudo-designer from the 80's is rotting in a Thai prison for that crime. CRIME, I say. Oh, and one more thing kids... I finally got a pic of my 'new' nephew, Isaiah... Please keep in mind this photo was taken on his first day home from the hospital!!!!! What a monster!! Can't wait to pinch those cheeks!!!! :) |