Sticky Beak
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The Skinny
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...life in small Northern towns, working for assholes, boys who refuse to become men, synthetic personalities, anorexic models and their link to emotional scarring, bad marijuana trips, crazies on BC Transit, beer, piece of shit cars, living out of a suitcase paycheck to paycheck, unrequited love, Seinfeld, minimum-wage jobs, broken New Year�s resolutions, and over-limit Visa accounts.
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Saddle up, cowboy, and fasten your seatbelt... Wow. What a day. The main attraction was my sixteen year old nephew, Tony, getting kicked by a horse and breaking his finger. Actually, it was worse than that, he broke and dislocated his finger. He insisted we take pictures, but they are on a disposable camera not a digital one, otherwise I'd share them with you here. Not that you want to see it. Essentially, he broke his middle finger between the 2nd and 3rd knuckles, and the top half of that was pushed underneath the bottom half so that his finger was bent in half the wrong way. It's pretty impossible to describe, but know this... Aunt Holly nearly passed out when she saw it. Why does this kind of shit happen when Mel's at work??? Her absence forced me into assuming the 'responsible adult' role, at which I have to say I failed miserably... Poor Tony. Between the terrets screaming episodes, the growling and kicking, he still managed to be concerned about me... "It's ok, Aunt Holly. Calm down." And his girlfriend - who we pulled out of the shower and threw into the minivan wearing only a towel in order to calm and soothe Tony - turned from rubbing his shoulder at one point to rub mine... I think they may have both been a little concerned about the speed I was driving. I learned two very important things today: 1. I am not good in emergency situations. I had a hunch about this, but it was confirmed today when I nearly passed out at the sight of Tony's finger. Actually, I have to admit, it was more his incredibly vocalized pain that pushed me over the edge. The admitting nurse thought I was going to pass out, apparently. This is the reason we were given that Tony was processed so quickly into the ER. 2. Melanie's recently purchased second-hand minivan is capable of attaining speeds in excess of 180km/hr. I was mildly concerned that the side panels might start flying off in flight, but it managed to hold together long enough to get us to the hospital. I knew he wouldn't die of his injury, but if you had been in that vehicle listening to the horrible pain he was in, I'm willing to bet that you would have sped as well. Poor Tony was in so much pain... they may have admitted him immediately, but they made him wait for that pain medication. Bastards. He was thoroughly unimpressed, too. After the trauma of having his finger reset (Mel had to hold him down on the table to prevent him from punching anyone - I left the room), the next time the doctor entered the room (and Tony was fairly stoned on pain meds) he informed the doc through a wry smile, "I don't trust you... I trust your opinion, but every time you come in this room, I get hurt..." Pretty hilarious. The doc got a good kick out of that. So that was the adventure today. I think I'm all stocked up on adventure for a while now... that'll do, thanks very much. And time for those sway-back shitters to go to the glue factory, I think. We're lucky it was only a finger. It's been quite the series of strange and unfortunate events here in the Corthell household since I arrived... Anyway, the gong show has just arrived back from the hospital and I should probably get my crap out of the way, since I am in the middle of the kitchen a the moment... Until next time... |