Sticky Beak
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The Skinny
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...life in small Northern towns, working for assholes, boys who refuse to become men, synthetic personalities, anorexic models and their link to emotional scarring, bad marijuana trips, crazies on BC Transit, beer, piece of shit cars, living out of a suitcase paycheck to paycheck, unrequited love, Seinfeld, minimum-wage jobs, broken New Year�s resolutions, and over-limit Visa accounts.
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FREE AT LAST! FREE AT LAST! Thank God Almighty, I'm Free At Last!!! Yup, last day as a Buckaroo ended just a couple hours ago. *sigh* I'm gonna miss the ol' salt mine... NOT. Well, it was actually kinda fun - once I got the hang of things and figured out who the tossers were so that I could give them the wide berth that they need to accommodate their 'assholiness'. Is that a word? If not, I think it should be. Ass-hooooolllllle. I almost feel badly for having to lie to a couple of the people there that I really like... almost. There's no benefit to them knowing the truth, I s'pose. Right? Right. So, in typical Shively fashion, we had absolutely no clue about what was going on with Ryan's time here in LA; thought he was flying out Tuesday morning, but turns out he's here until Wednesday... good thing they double-checked the itinerary! Jesus H. Kee-RIST it's hot here today. I think it's somewhere in the nineties... that's thirty-something in Canadian-speak. Sorry, it's one of the side-effects of being Canadian raised by American parents - a kind of "nationality schizophrenia" which results in interchangeable spellings of various words, switching from celsius to farenheit depending on the season, and crazy pronunciations. Not to mention that I'm a loud, obnoxious (sterotypical american) push-over (stereotypical canadian). Ah yes, the dual citizenship. I'm very lucky to be dual (or, as my Dad likes to say, bi) between these two fabulous countries... I love having the option of living and working on either side of the border. Canada is definitely home to me, always has been, although I've discovered a couple places south of the 49th where I could easily become accustomed to living. Redondo Beach, for instance! Or... Oregon. Now that's a beautiful State. So, I'm sitting here watching my brothers play Mortal Kombat. What a grusome fecking game. They have some sort of cheat sheet printed out which lists all the final moves by player... you know, for when the sadistic "FINISH HIMMMM" voice comes on at the end of a match and the winner gets the opportunity to inflict one final blow against his opponent. It generally involves disembowelment, decapitation, or dismemberment... very often all three. I just watched Kris twist Ryan's head three times - with full sound effects. No wonder kids are shooting their peers at school now. Holy Christ! Violence = Entertainment. Remember Super Mario Bros.??? "Dee dee de de dee deee dee dee bop bop!" Why can't the loser just collapse on the ground, curl up into fetal position and cry? That's far more entertaining in my books. But then again - as Ryan's informed me - I'm "long in the tooth," so what do I know. I'm pretty shattered, it's bloody HOT in here, and the buddha is calling for some foody goody so I should probably sign off... but before I do, I have to share a quick 'Caleb story' since I know that he has quite a fan base out there... Ryan was talking to Jess a couple nights ago and in order to get a couple moment's reprieve from their crazy, tail-chasing five year old, Jess barricaded herself in the bedroom so that she could actually have a conversation with Ryan. During this time, she'd left a cider on the table. It was non-alcoholic, but Caleb didn't know that. So, being inherently conniving and diabolical (he is Ryan's kid, afterall), Caleb quickly downed Jess's cider and then filled it with water. FILLED IT WITH WATER!!!! He's five. All I can say is that they have their work cut out for them. That, and reason number 574 not to have children! Talk about Karma... Have fun with that, Ryan! |