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Bottom Feeders in the Online Dating Pool
Posted @ 3:41 AM on 16 June 2006
Shudder. I can't sleep (again) so checked out the ol' online dating site. I had a message from a guy named Tommy who hails from the O.C. Tommy is exactly the reason that I was hesitant to sign up on these types of sites, as well as the reason I'm pulling my profile... well, one of the reasons anyway! Below is Tommy's profile from the site (his spelling & punctuation, thank you!), along with 2 of the 7 photos he had posted to ... em... 'compliment' his words (first pic is tweaked to protect identity...). This is what's out there, Ladies... So, if you're considering going online to find the love of your life... BE PREPARED. I'M THE MAN WITH THE PLAN BABY I'm a sexy guy that likes to stay home and chill, watch my TV. I like all women I don't discriminate. I�m Tommy originally from New York but living in southern, Cali now. I�m a very talented guy with a great sense of humor. I do stand up comedy on the side every now and then. I love art, I love drawing portraits and creating funny ass cartoons. I love music, I�m into all kinds of different music. I�m really into the old school music groups like earth, wind & fire, parliament/funkadelic, cameo, rick james, bar-kays, ohio players, rufus & chaka khan etc. I guess you can say I�m a funkateer.lol. I love the motown sound too. I wake up to music and go to bed to music. I love sports too especially football and basketball. I�ll also watch tennis (only the Williams sisters), volleyball (women only) and golf only when tiger woods playing. I love women of every race. I don't discriminate. A woman with pretty feet and a nice booty with a high butt crack are major turn ons. I know you trippin about the high crack thing right? Ok let me explain. A woman with a low butt crack tend to have a flat booty, or she doesn't look as good in bikinis, thongs, panties or clothes. The high crack gives the booty more definition, more shape. Next time your on a beach, watch and compare the chix with the high cracks and low cracks and you'll see the difference. I can't deal with a chic with Flintstone feet, I gotta have a woman with soft pretty feet with polished toenails. I love a woman that�s down to earth and easy to talk to, that�s how I am. I have no shame in my game. I can talk about anything. I also do hair, I�m very much into personal grooming. I�m always well groomed no matter what day it is. I like a woman that�s well groomed as well. Don't get me wrong, I�m not the kind of guy that puts clear polish on his nails and feminine shit like that. lol or expecting women to have perfect body fat whatever. People like that irritate the hell out of me. I can be moody at times, I do have some serious flaws but I think the good outweigh the bad though. Who I�d like to meet: I�d love to meet a pretty woman with nice skin, pretty feet, nice booty and nice personality with sense of humor. It doesn't take much to satisfy me, I�m a pretty simple guy. As far as sex is concerned, if you give good head and know how to work your tongue and move your ass in bed, we won't have any problems. And I love a woman that can cook. I also love a woman who can be honest, especially to guys who try to hit on them. I know alot of chix like to diss a guy they're not interested in, that�s not neccessary, just tell the guy your not feeling him; you don't have to be rude. You can't help how your mind and body feels as far as the chemistry reaction is concerned, its either there or its not there. That�s why I hate when people say "sell yourself" if a persons interested in you already, you don't have to sell anything. I believe in "over selling" this is why I hate when women say "your not my type" the so called type that everybody claim to have, we rarely end up with that person anyway, and if we happen to find that type we desire, it never last. We are so used to listening to the heart and not the mind. Your mind is always right, your heart always choose the wrong freakin people. Your heart goes for the ones that makes you horny or looks good, your mind can detect the good people that�s right for you, who may not be the best looking at times. Which is usually the opposite of our so called "types".
I responded to Tommy, letting him know that although I was very flattered that he contacted me, I don't think we'd be very compatible, since he's far more energetic (read: fucked up) and wild than I am. I told him I was too innocent (!!!!!) for him and that I'd bore him. Was that a nice 'let down'? I don't know, but I hope so. I'm sure Tommy's a great guy and has a lot to offer... at least to a girl with a high ass-crack who gives great head and wiggles her ass in bed. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT??? Do these guys actually think that they're going to bag anyone this way??? I guess they must find some success. But I'll tell you what, it freaks the bejeezus out of me!!! And what's even more terrifying is that there are actually women who would respond to that. Am I a prude? Should I be a little more open-minded to Tommy's requests? Maybe I'll go down to the beach tomorrow and check out the ass-crack scene, see if he's got any clout on this subject. If he does, well, fair's fair... I'll have to call him. I mean, at least I know I have a chance, since he doesn't discriminate against fat girls! What a load of Bollocks!
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