Sticky Beak
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The Skinny
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...life in small Northern towns, working for assholes, boys who refuse to become men, synthetic personalities, anorexic models and their link to emotional scarring, bad marijuana trips, crazies on BC Transit, beer, piece of shit cars, living out of a suitcase paycheck to paycheck, unrequited love, Seinfeld, minimum-wage jobs, broken New Year�s resolutions, and over-limit Visa accounts.
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Body Waxing & Other Addictions... Brazils - don't understand 'em. When did society become so obsessed with our furry nether-regions? I just don't get it. A friend of mine, Brandy, goes in regularly to be stripped clean (and I mean clean) by some scary lady who makes her put her leg behind her head so she can clean out the fuzz surrounding her chocolate starfish. As if that isn't graphic enough, Brandy somehow forgot to schedule an appointment this month and her regular 'bushwoman' was unavailable, so she had to settle for the back-up chick. This little Asian woman had Brandy spread eagle on her back - one leg up on the wall - and while she pulled out every single last little follicle she kept repeating "I love my job!". In order to access the dingle-berries in the back yard, she made Brandy turn over and CROUCH ON ALL FOURS DOGGY-STYLE. I mean, please , there is no dignity in that! Once everything's bared and Brandy makes the move to get up, little Asian lady pushes her back down on to the slab saying, "No, No! You look! You see I do good job!" So, she grabs a hand mirror, shoves it between Brandy's legs and tilts it for her viewing pleasure. Yup, there's nothing quite like seeing your own mutilated vagina, with its glowing red chicken skin and labia swollen to three times their natural size. And her next appointment's only 4 weeks away. WHAT THE HELL?????
Brandy's trying to convince me to go brazil, but I tell her having to go to the gynecologist once every two years is traumatic enough for me. "Every two years?" she asked. "How come I have to go every year???? Oohhhhh, that's right. It's because I have a hot doctor!" So thanks anyway, but I think this Canadian gal will stick to what she knows. If you're considering going brazil, I recommend you watch this videoclip first. On a totally different note, I've become completely addicted to reading a couple of the diaries on the Diaryland site. I somehow stumbled across one this morning of a 21 year old meth-addict in Australia. Before this morning, I thought I had problems. Jeezus, this poor girl has completely fallen down, and whether she wanted help or not, there doesn't seem to be anyone to offer it. All of her friends are drug addicts and her family seems estranged. I have no idea what it's like to live with an addict in your family - maybe there's nothing they can do, maybe it's too exhausting and they've given up and are now focussed on self-preservation, who knows. But this poor girl seems entirely alone... except for her drug. She's the most compelling of the diaries I'm reading right now. The other is a bit less dramatic, but still incredibly compelling. She's a 17 year old high school student living in a crap home environment stuggling to maintain her sanity and trying desperately to find some shred of happiness in her tormented life. Her writing is amazing - so poetic, but easy. I feel a bit like a voyeur reading these diaries, but at the same time, I guess that's why they're live and available for reading, right? Both of these girls appear to me to be screaming for help, or maybe just to be heard. It's terrible. What's worse is that this morning I thought my being overweight was the worst thing in the world, my unemployment was starting to wear on me, and the usual questions of "what am I doing with my life", "where am I headed", and "why am I so pathetic" were all rushing through my mind. And now I can see how trivial all of that really is. I have health and happiness. I have stability and relative control over my life. I have the support and love of family and friends. I have possibilities. Christ, my back aches. Fecking joints and their bullshit. It's actually my hip that hurts, but the pain kind of radiates after a while until it just becomes one big pulsing throb. But, I guess that comes with a tough day of lounging on the beach, hey? Yeah, it's a hard life I have down here right now. |