Sticky Beak
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The Skinny
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...life in small Northern towns, working for assholes, boys who refuse to become men, synthetic personalities, anorexic models and their link to emotional scarring, bad marijuana trips, crazies on BC Transit, beer, piece of shit cars, living out of a suitcase paycheck to paycheck, unrequited love, Seinfeld, minimum-wage jobs, broken New Year�s resolutions, and over-limit Visa accounts.
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Thankful for... spew? So we're at Clint & Roz's house the other night, lounging in the livingroom after having stuffed ourselves with the cornucopia of Thanksgiving delights prepared by Clint, when little Ruby spews. Everywhere. Roz gingerly seperates herself from the vomit, which is clinging to her jeans and threatening the couch, and races poor Ruby to the loo. Clint, trying to be helpful & supportive, races after them to the washroom where Roz is peeling spew-soaked clothes from Ruby's little body, at the same time trying to keep the liquid poo that now fills her diaper from spilling out. Damo and I are in the livingroom still, and turn from the chaos in the washroom to the lake of vomit, which is now being greedily lapped up by the family dog, Gravy. "Ohhhhhhhhhhh! Naaaaaaasssssstyyyy!!!!" Bits of mandarin orange that Roz had fed Ruby only an hour earlier are easily recognizable amongst the collage of other bits consumed... all swimming together in a lake of bile and liquid... all being licked from the floor, the couch, the area rug... About this time, Clint runs out of the bathroom with his T-shirt over his nose, gagging from the stench of spew encasing both Ruby and Roz. He immediately spies Gravy engorging herself on Ruby's sloppy seconds, turns and runs back into the washroom. Now Roz comes out with Ruby, who is stripped down to her brimming diaper, and makes her way to the nursery. "Clint's in there, puking," she says. A moment later, Clint stumbles out of the washroom, T-shirt over his nose, groaning. Gravy has made short work of the spew, and is now polishing the floor for any missed treasure. Roz comes out of the nursery and passes a naked Ruby to Clint so that she can take a moment to change out of her spew-soaked clothes.
Oh. My. God. I can't even remember the last time I laughed that hard. Freaking hysterical. This Thanksgiving, I am most definitely thankful for spew. |