Sticky Beak
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The Skinny
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...life in small Northern towns, working for assholes, boys who refuse to become men, synthetic personalities, anorexic models and their link to emotional scarring, bad marijuana trips, crazies on BC Transit, beer, piece of shit cars, living out of a suitcase paycheck to paycheck, unrequited love, Seinfeld, minimum-wage jobs, broken New Year�s resolutions, and over-limit Visa accounts.
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Homesteading in Crustyville. Well, well, well. I hadn't realized how much time had gone by since my last entry, until (thanks to the beauty of facebook) I was accosted by several friends in the past week or so for slacking on my blog duties. My most sincere apologies, my pretties. The skinny update: 1. Managed to put on enough of a show in that interview to score the position (smoke and mirrors, baby... ohhh yeahhhh), and am currently in my 2nd week. I'm pumped, RELIEVED, and terrified to be away from The Taupe Wall and into a role that might just supply the challenge I've been moaning after for so long (winge, winge, winge). Still another 11 weeks to go before I can retire the smoke and mirrors (i.e. probation), but fingers crossed I'll manage. 2. Went home for Christmas... always an interesting sitcom of sorts. There was, of course, the standard betting on "How Long Til Holly Snaps"... proud to say that I won. Brother #2 staked his claim on 1 hour, Brother #1 on 10 hours, Husband had 2 days, Dad had 5 days, and me a week. It was bound to happen, how could it not when they were all hell-bent on forcing it? I managed to ward them off with a sense of humour for the first few days, with the help of my Mr. T keychain... when they were annoying, I'd simply point it at them and He'd yell "Don't make me Mad... GRRRRR", or, "Quit your Jibba-Jabba!". Very therapeutic. Ultimately though, I was doomed to crack... Between Bro #1's Diva antics, impossible communication barriers with my siblings(read: our failure to listen when others are speaking), and the incessant screaming of (give or take) 5 children under the age of 10 at any given moment in time... well, it's just a matter of time. Be sure to submit your bets in time for next year's trip in plenty of time to maximize your odds... 3. Have been homesteading it here in Crusty-land for about a month now. Seriously unimpressed. We have had no water due to freezing in the archaic pipes that feed from the well on our crazy Doukhabour neighbour's property down to our house. Bloody hell. We've been melting snow to take sponge-baths and "flush" our toilet bangkok-style. It blows. I'm really not cut out for homesteading. But, it could always be worse. We could be without snow, and then we'd really be screwed. Fat chance of that happening this winter, though. We came back from BL to snowbanks 4' high (which have since grown to 7') and cracks in our walls from the weight of the snow on our roof. Oh... Happy Days, Happy Days. Still, my dingle-berries are getting crusty and I'd do just about anything for a shower these days... 4. Max, while still adorable and endearing, has suddenly transformed into full-blown insane puppy mode. Lick, lick, lick. Chew, chew, chew. What's this? Can I ingest it? Let's try! Sweet Jesus. We finally thought we'd solved the issue when we bought a "bully stick" (FYI - a dehydrated bull dick. Awesome...) at the local pet store, which he L-O-V-E-D, until it made him sick and we had to rush him to emergency ($165) last Friday. Well, we're not sure what it was that caused our little guy's allergic reaction... Could've been "his dick", as Damo calls it, orrrrr it might have been the Nutella D dropped on the floor for our mini-hoover to suck-up. Either way, same result. Between him and the screaming children back home, any maternal yearnings have long-since been put to bed. Ai-yai-yai. Speaking of which, the frenzied Breeding Olympics continue amongst my (obviously mentally-incompetent) siblings... Bro #2 has impregnated his poor wife, yet again. I feel like the Sex Ed department needs to give a seminar out there, just incase there's some sort of mystery or confusion surrounding how it happens... Poor Rednecks. 5. I'm not entirely sure how I managed to pull it off (more smoke and mirrors?), but somehow I fooled this poor unsuspecting aussie to stick around for a full year of marital (non)bliss with me... The poor sod. We spent our anniversary almost exactly the same way we spent our wedding... Him puking and sleeping in a seperate bedroom. Awesome. Annnnd, I think that about wraps up the excitement here. This is why skipping 6 or 8 or 50 weeks on the blog doesn't make such a huge difference here in Hollster-land... Hopefully this dose of mediocrity will tide you over until next time... (March?) If not, feel free to drop something in the suggestion box on your way out... or kiss my ass. Whichever suits your mood. SALUT! |