Sticky Beak
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The Skinny
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...life in small Northern towns, working for assholes, boys who refuse to become men, synthetic personalities, anorexic models and their link to emotional scarring, bad marijuana trips, crazies on BC Transit, beer, piece of shit cars, living out of a suitcase paycheck to paycheck, unrequited love, Seinfeld, minimum-wage jobs, broken New Year�s resolutions, and over-limit Visa accounts.
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Mutually Appreciative (thank you very much)... I've just spent the better part of the last 2 hours bawling my eyes out and hyperventilating uncontrollably. Consider yourself warned. "P.S. I Love You" is emotional terrorism. It will pull you through every feeling you've ever experienced and wrench you until you feel like you have lost everything. Don't try and be a tough-guy... don't deny yourself the luxury and beauty of being human and having that capability to experience heartbreak, desolation, joy, anxiety through other people's eyes. We are compassionate and empathetic - it's what makes us real. I've been mocked many times for being 'overly' emotional and for getting so absorbed in a movie that I become involved and unable to seperate myself from what the characters are experiencing. But I'm ok with that. I don't think there's such a thing as feeling 'too much' - or even having a 'silly' emotion. All emotion is valid, and certain things speak to each of us... for me, I guess it's other people's stories - real or not. Anyway. Watch the movie. Keep plenty of kleenex on hand, and at the end of it hug yourself, cuddle up next to your special someone, call your mom and tell her how much you love her and how you'd never be who you are without her love and guidance, smile at a stranger... whatever you do, just do something to mark the remembrance of how blessed you are in your life and don't let it slip past you. Isn't it weird to think that every single person that passes through our lives leaves a mark. No matter whether they're a stranger keeping us company on a long greyhound bus ride who disappears entirely from the radar, or the unlikely co-worker who emerges as the rock you so desperately need at that time in your life..., or even the people we're born to and the family they grandfather to us. It's so strange. One of those things that I try not to focus on too much or my head starts to swim at how incredible life is and how immense the universe is, which in turn causes me to feel miniscule and finite. That's when I start to panic that my life, if I'm very lucky, is about 1/3 over and that the people who make my world recognizeable are also finite and will one day leave my canvas. That's when I feel the sanity molecules in my brain begin to melt and my chest tightens and I begin to feel incredibly anxious. Which is why, obviously, I try to avoid thinking about it. Actually, I try to avoid thinking as a general rule - it seldom brings goodness or happy thoughts. Thoughts in my brain tend to play a wicked game of Leap Frog... I'll start with a fairly rational thought and before I realize it I've gone from creating a mental grocery list to laughing out loud at the recollection of a Seinfeld episode. There is no rhyme or reason... It's almost terrifying sometimes. I think the biggest question in anyone's life throughout the history of humanity has got to be 'Why?'. We've figured out Who, What, Where, When and How... but no one - not Carl Sagan, Bill Gates or even The Vatican - can put their thumb on the Why Factor. It's all theory... mumbo jumbo... horseshit. Some people soothe themselves with platitudes, others with religion or drugs. I prefer escapism, which is why I love movies, I guess. Whatever the method, it's all the same madness. There is no Why. It's that simple. There is no justification for a baby to be born with aids, for a child to experience abuse, for anyone to feel abandoned, for my sister to lose her husband at 28, for my mom to be confined to an arm chair at the age of 58... So why don't we just quit asking??? Because that would mean accepting, and that's impossible. Or suicide. Take your pick. Either way you're done for, I reckon. Better to live in the now and appreciate what goodness we've got - despite whatever sadness surrounds it. So watch a sappy movie and get all weird and introspective, and write a blog that makes no sense and leaves your one reader thinking you've completely lost the plot. And at the end of the day, remember where you came from, who carried you to where you are, and always appreciate and show appreciation. And by the way..., I appreciate you. Because undoubtedly, you're one of those people who has made a mark on my life... maybe you're the one who carried me through hell and back again, or maybe you just made me laugh when I really needed it. Whatever. I just hope that I make a mark as well - prefferably a positive one. Long Live the Mutual Appreciation Club. Huzzah! |