Sticky Beak
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The Skinny
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...life in small Northern towns, working for assholes, boys who refuse to become men, synthetic personalities, anorexic models and their link to emotional scarring, bad marijuana trips, crazies on BC Transit, beer, piece of shit cars, living out of a suitcase paycheck to paycheck, unrequited love, Seinfeld, minimum-wage jobs, broken New Year�s resolutions, and over-limit Visa accounts.
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"You gotta walk like the rent was due yesterday..." This is the advice Luba gave me regarding "selling" myself when we're out on the town this weekend... It's hard to take someone seriously when they have one hand on the hip, the other hand snapping its fingers as it wags side-to-side, knees raised practically to the torso like a prancing show horse with each step, and the hips swivelling like a lazy-susan. She means well... she's only trying to grant me a day-pass to her shee-shee-poo-poo world, and I appreciate the sentiment. In a reciprocal effort I've offered to train her on the survival techniques she'll require for any future visits to Burns Lake, but she's declined. Oh man, they're sooooo gonna beat the piss out of her up there. Probably not in actuality, but I love saying it because she turns to a quivering mess of nerves... evil, I know. :) The apartment hunt continues... not making much headway, unfortunately, but I'm crossing my fingers that something fabulous and WITHIN OUR BUDGET is going to miraculously fall into my lap within the next week or so. What a shitty time of year to move... there's literally nothing out there, and whatever does hit the market is snatched up before you even have time to respond. It's the shits. But enough of that... it's only somewhere to live, right? In more interesting news, I discovered yesterday that even with generations of inbreeding pulsing through my veins, I'm still higher on the evolutionary/genetic hierarchy than some. After being dropped by one of our employees with a day's notice a couple weeks ago, we decided to try out a girl who had expressed interest in working at our store. Before I met her, I was advised that she's essentially a professional cashier with years of experience working at a major food chain, and that she was also applying to work P/T at her "dream job", so we may not have the flexibility we were hoping for. Well. Honestly, I don't recall ever meeting anyone this...challenged or so much a void of personality and character as this girl. After meeting her, I asked where it was that she was interviewing. HMV. This is her dream job; selling CDs to pimple-faced teenagers in a fluorescent-lit mall for minimum wage. Oh, and come to find out she's 26 years old, lives at home and no desire to leave. And I swear to god she spends more on junk food than she makes each shift... she's just weird. Not to mention that she called in sick 1 hour before her second training shift was due to start, and that when she finally arrived at the store for her (rescheduled) shift, she: - asked where her nametag was So this was my day with the Genetically-Challenged Over-Achiever. Christ, if that's what's out there in the retail world, it's no wonder that Bucky thought I was the shit, man! Holy shit! Thank god the store owner put an ad in the paper and we got a whack of resumes because tomorrow the G.C.O.A. is gonna be "released" back into the wild. She's about to join the mysterious "Future Endeavours" club. Hallelujah. Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. Uh-oh. I can feel the flames of hell licking at my feet as we speak. I told my brother to bring the beverages and I'd handle the snacks... may as well enjoy our ring-side seats, hey? In a way though, it's a bit unfortunate because I think she would have provided even more material than the coffee sluts and teenage bimbos of Bucky's... Oh well, tough luck. My (remaining) sanity for blog material... a hefty trade. Throw in a kick-ass apartment WITH in-suite laundry for less than $1,000 and we'll talk. |