Sticky Beak
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The Skinny
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...life in small Northern towns, working for assholes, boys who refuse to become men, synthetic personalities, anorexic models and their link to emotional scarring, bad marijuana trips, crazies on BC Transit, beer, piece of shit cars, living out of a suitcase paycheck to paycheck, unrequited love, Seinfeld, minimum-wage jobs, broken New Year�s resolutions, and over-limit Visa accounts.
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The Chickens Are Getting Restless... Thank GOD it's Friday tomorrow. Holy Cheee-rist! I'm very ready for a weekend, namely sleepy sleep. Yup. That's all I have planned, I think. Depends on what Naked Pam's up to, I reckon. We shall see. Actually, it may be the weekend for a Halloween party... Can't believe it's that time of year again already... it absolutely flew by. Wow. I don't know if Adele is ready to resurface just yet... although I have to admit there have been several repeated requests for her. Her fan base is wide and diverse, lemme tell ya. What's that? You don't know who Adele is? You have no idea what I'm talking about? Well, allow me to introduce you. Bloggers, meet Adele (pronc. Eh-Dell). She's a bit of a whore... and extremely loud and obnoxious, but you can't help but love to hate her. Probably not a surprise to learn that her idol is Beth from 'Dog the Bounty Hunter'. Yeah... Adele kicks ass. She's my alter ego that gets to come out once a year for halloween. Actually, I skipped Adele two years ago when I spent Halloween up in Burns Lake, where I attended a "Dance/Party" with my siblings at the Grassy Plains Hall. I had to throw something together last minute, so using what I could find around the parents' cabin, I mustered together a 'costume' as a 'Redneck'. Very a propos, I thought. It consisted of black denim overalls, a red plaid shirt, long black (rats nest) braids, blacked out front teeth, a hare lip, a massive shiner, and a baseball cap that read 'Official Used Hay Dealer'. It wasn't much, but it worked. The frightening thing is that I actually got hit on whilst decked out in this garb... I mosied over to the bar to make myself a drink, and standing next to me was a guy dressed in the black & white prison attire, a big hat, and black Lone Rangers over his eyes. I chuckled and asked if he was the Hamburgler. "Who?" So, I think I'll stick with Adele from now on... she attracts fewer freaks than the Redneck; I think they're afraid of her, to be honest. She's a whipper snapper, that one! Not that any of this matters, since I'm the biggest loser in Vancouver at the moment and have nowhere to take Adele this year. Probably a good thing; I make enough enemies the other 364 days of the year on my own when I'm on 'good' behaviour... Lord knows what kind of havoc I can reek when I give over to 'Her'. I'm still on the search for someone who will go as Richard Simmons for Halloween... I think that would be THE most hilarious costume on earth. I know my brother-in-law would do it... he'll do anything... but I wouldn't be around to witness it, and since it's my brain-child, I need to be there when it materializes. Ha ha. Richard Simmons. That crazy bastard. And then there could be about 3 of us dressed up in fat suits and really bad 1990's Addidas gear to follow him around and yell out "DEAL A MEAL!" and "YOU CAN DO IT!" every once in a while. I think it would be hysterical... I just don't understand why no guy that I know is willing to donn Daisy Duke shorts, a fluorescent pink tank top, super curly wig and run around on his tippy-toes clapping his hands for a night. Where's your sense of adventure???? If I do dress up this year, I could tone it down a bit from Adele but still have tremendous amounts of fun... I'm toying with the idea of dressing up as Luba. Yeah, that's right. How HILARIOUS would that be? Oh my god. I laugh just thinking about it. An evil, conniving laugh... Ironically, she's the one who planted the seed in my mind, saying that she would be absolutely mortified if someone dressed up as her for Halloween. God... there are just so many possibilities! High heels, a big blonde wig, an ugly bag covered in 'LV' with a $2,000 price tag on it, pink EVERYTHING, a toy cell phone that I could be on constantly, an empty Venti Starbucks cup, make-up, and of course tonnes of bling. Oh my... I'm getting lightheaded with giddiness and swirling in ideas here. Yes, I said swirling. Ahhhhh, Luba. A lifetime of material. Since we're on the subject of her, this may be a good way to sign off for the night, by sharing a photo of my roommate deeply entranced in her 'magic': FYI, it's an ice cube that she's "suspending" in mid-air... and she's trying to imitate Chris Angel (Mind Freak!) with the pose/facial expression. Oh man. You can take the girl out of Cranbrook, but you cannot take Cranbrook out of the girl... (and she's gonna kill me for that last comment!) :) And to answer your question, NO, she cannot practice magic... Far from it. The boring, un-sexy truth is that I pulled out the ice-cubes one night to discover she'd inadvertantly frozen a strand of her hair in one of them... And for the record, the photo shoot was her idea! |