Sticky Beak
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The Skinny
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...life in small Northern towns, working for assholes, boys who refuse to become men, synthetic personalities, anorexic models and their link to emotional scarring, bad marijuana trips, crazies on BC Transit, beer, piece of shit cars, living out of a suitcase paycheck to paycheck, unrequited love, Seinfeld, minimum-wage jobs, broken New Year�s resolutions, and over-limit Visa accounts.
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Ka-Stanza! Day 1 of Aunt Holly trying to maintain the role of 'responsible adult' here in the Corthell household. Bugger. I have a hunch it's gonna be a long haul. I think the two older boys are trying to be helpful by bossing Jaimee around and calling her down all the time, but in essence they're truly just wrecking my head. And that scream of Ethan's... my god. Oh! There it is again. I thought he was lying down having a nap, but I guess that's over with now. Crap. Tomorrow is the first day of school for Jaimee and Wyatt - this should be interesting. I have no idea what kind of role I'm meant to play here. Do I go in to the school? Do I meet the teachers? Do I take them to their classrooms? I know Wyatt won't need this kind of coddling, but I'm not sure what Jaimee needs. As for Wyatt, since he's in grade 9 which is the highest in his school and so is now the 'tough kid class', I figure I'll walk him to the front door of the school, make him give me a kiss infront of all his friends, and then stand there clutching my hands to my chest as he walks away and call out after him, "I LOVE YOU WYATT! I'LL BE HERE AT THREE O'CLOCK TO PICK YOU UP, SWEETPEA! HAVE A GREAT DAY MUFFIN HEAD!" Yeah, I figure that's a great way to introduce him to the new school year. In actuality, he'd probably just shrug it off and laugh... he's a pretty easy going kid. Weirdo. Why am I so bloody tired lately? It's been like this since I was in Aus, actually. Damo even started to worry that I might be pregnant - Jeezus H. Christ. I've been fending off that threat for well over 15 years now, I'm far too professional at this point to allow any slip-ups. C'mon. I mean, really. Of course, being that the pill is only 99% effective, logistically at least one little guy should have broken through the barrier by now. I'm probably sterile. Ah, life's little ironies. We spend our entire teens & twenties avoiding pregnancy like the plague. We may smoke dope, drink excessively, drive recklessly � but this is the one area that is not compromised. Until we eventually meet The One and decide 'this is it, this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, the one I want to share all my ups and downs with. The one I want to create life with.' So, you flush the meds or leave the domes on the shelf because you're ready, and you begin the process of procreation. Only, what's this? What do you mean I can't have children? All those precautions, all that money spent on fending-off the terrifying prospect of impregnation, and for what? Turns out you were naturally 'safe' from the get-go. Yeah, that'll be me, I'm sure of it. In the meantime, I'm curious about this whole fatigue thing. Maybe it's some terrible, terminal disease (yeah, I'm an optimist, that's right!). More likely it's got to do with the fact that I've been unemployed and entirely unproductive for the past...ohh... six months. Yeah, that's where I'm puttin' my money. Well, soon enough it will all come to a close and I'll be thrust back into the world of grunts, drones and doozers: traffic, early mornings, fluorescent lighting, customer service and paycheques that never seem big enough. I can't complain, I had a good run at retirement. I reckon it's only fair that now I shrug it off and re-enter the world of responsible, productive, functioning adults... oh crap. I hate being responsible, productive and functional. I've kind of become accustomed to living the life of George Costanza. It's nice here, I like it. So now only one question remains... Where's my velour lounge suit? |