Sticky Beak
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The Skinny
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...life in small Northern towns, working for assholes, boys who refuse to become men, synthetic personalities, anorexic models and their link to emotional scarring, bad marijuana trips, crazies on BC Transit, beer, piece of shit cars, living out of a suitcase paycheck to paycheck, unrequited love, Seinfeld, minimum-wage jobs, broken New Year�s resolutions, and over-limit Visa accounts.
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Getting Slanty in Gympie Town Ok. So here we are again. Another day in 'Paradise' - Surfer's Paradise, that is. I have loads to report � catch-up, mainly � and will do my best to capture it all. Be patient with me. Let's see... first of all, there's the photos of Slanty Kate and Luke the Assassin (Slanty�s sidekick). As you can see, Kate comes by her nickname quite honestly... I think he was under the impression during our visit that he was interviewing for a role as James Bond. As for this picture of Katie... ...well, we're not entirely sure what she was up to with the bottle penis, but it cracked us up. I think we may have been a bit slanty. Maybe. She's so cute; she told us that she's taking some herbals to help improve her memory - ginko & evening primrose � but she's had a few problems because she can't always remember if she's already taken them on any given day. Oh, Slanty... You're pretty. At any rate, we had a fabulous time with them and can't wait to see them again... whenever that may be. What else... oh, here's a picture of our dinner that escaped from us while we were visiting Noosa en route up to see Kate and Luke... Damned bird � too quick for me... my slingshot skills have declined somewhat since leaving BL. Also en route to Kate & Luke's place, we passed a town that I'm convinced was founded with the sole objective of housing BL rejects, such as myself... Every time I passed that sign, I laughed my ass off. In fact, I remembered it from my visit to Oz last year when it cracked me up just as much. Fuck, I'm such a child. Still, I'd like to buy property and live there, just so that I could send out Christmas cards with my address listed as 'Gympie'. How bloody fun is that???? Or... maybe it's just funny to me. As promised, here are some pics as taken at Steve Irwin's Zoo.
Speaking of brats, Damian would like me to comment on the world's greatest stink-eye ever witnessed. We were at a touristy Aussie pub on our way up to see Kate & Luke where we'd stopped to have a quick 1/2 pint, and were sitting outside at a picnic table when a little kid hopped up onto a tall statue next to us. He was about... three years old, so Damian gently warned him to be careful, saying "Now don�t you fall...". My god, the stink-eye he received was nothing short of legendary. We absolutely pissed ourselves laughing. Fecking kids. I mean, Brats! Damo would also like me to report that he has succeeded in getting me to eat fungus. It's true, boys and girls. Many of you out there are very familiar with my strong, shall we say, aversion to vegetables (a.k.a. Kryptonite), in particular those of the fungus family. Things that grow in shit should not be included as members of any food group. This sentiment is similar to that which I hold towards stinky cheese; I'm sorry, but if it's moldy it's gone bad. End of story. REMOVE THE MOLD. And if it stinks, I ain't eatin' it. Full stop. Having said that, Damian did convince me to try one of his antipasto mushrooms, which had been marinated in soy sauce and then broiled. I had one out of obligation, but am proud to report that I popped another two after that. That's three mushrooms, for those of you who may be a little more inbred than I and therefore unable to tackle mathematics. I still couldn�t do the zucchini though... that's just asking too much. And today we went down to Byron Bay.
"Oooooohhh... The Trash-Heap has spoken..." At any rate, Byron is a beautiful place � lush, green rainforest meets white, sandy beaches and foaming surf. And a backpacker's paradise. I think there were more North American accents there than Aussie. I even saw a group of people that had to be from either Toronto or Vancouver; a family of four, all wearing Gortex jackets. I�ll tell ya though... I'm sure as hell glad that my backpacking days were spent in Asia because for the amount of money that I spent to get me through the 9 weeks of travel in Thailand, Malaysia and Vietnam I might have managed about 2 weeks in Oz. CRAZY expensive here. I�m talkin' $2.30 for a goddamned Kit Kat!!!! What�s up with that???? Blah, blah, blah� Tangent. Must be time for me to go. But before I do, I must share two pieces of fantastic trivia with all the Murial's Wedding fans out there... 1. Porpoise Spit is actually a town called Pottsville, and I drove through it today en route to Byron Bay. FABULOUS! Didn�t recognize any landmarks, though... (i.e. Murial's house or the Chinese Restaurant). ... and now you�re all wondering, "Is she referring to me? Am I an insane loser???"... Food for thought. So, that's it for me now, I think. Sorry that the blog has been suffering a bit while I'm over here, but I know you'll all recover... eventually. Soon I'll be back in Canada with no life again, and I'll be able to provide you with my undivided attention. And chances are I'll be feeling pretty fecking cynical too, so it should be good fun. Hope this finds you all well out there... don't forget to mail in your cheques for $45 which will entitle you to one year's subscription to the blog. This is an early bird special... subscriptions will go up to $60 after August 31st, so don�t delay! Just kidding, of course. Although... Anyway. Bottom's up, children! Keep on smilin'. xox, |