Sticky Beak
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The Skinny
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...life in small Northern towns, working for assholes, boys who refuse to become men, synthetic personalities, anorexic models and their link to emotional scarring, bad marijuana trips, crazies on BC Transit, beer, piece of shit cars, living out of a suitcase paycheck to paycheck, unrequited love, Seinfeld, minimum-wage jobs, broken New Year�s resolutions, and over-limit Visa accounts.
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Beware Of Attack Seagulls This is by far the stupidest thing I�ve done in a while. The beach is absolutely no place for a laptop. I can�t see shit - can barely make out the words that I�m typing right now, and I�m nervous as hell that the sand is some how going to find its way up on to my tower of blankets I�m currently mounted upon. Regardless, here I sit with my laptop and will do for a while, since I went through all the effort to bring it down here. Goddamnit, it�s a full-time job being me. I stumbled on the stairs this morning and although I caught myself from doing too mjuch damage, I did manage to break my toe, I think. Motherf**ker. Speaking of those, for some reason there�s a cop driving on the pedestrian/cyclist path down here on the beach. Ah, California. It�s a fairly kip day today, as far as California weather goes. Overcast and a bit windy, but it�s still warm so here I am with a handful of die hard sun-seekers lying on the sand, listening to the waves crash. Unfortunately, we�re also listening to the bang-bang-bang, occasional string of Spanish curses, and �brrrrreeeoooowwwww, (whistle), Baby! Baby!,� coming from the construction going on just behind us. Two MONSTER homes are going up � worth an easy 3 � 5 mil each. Goddamn this unequal distribution of wealth� It�s funny how here in California I�m drawn to the beach, sun and surf whereas when I was in Australia for Clint�s wedding, I was reluctant to go down to the beach. I guess it�s because Clint had warned me of the ozone hole directly over top of Queensland� that may have had something to do with it. It also may have been due to the fact that I was a good 20 lbs heavier then, and don�t think I saw one single overweight person on the beach, so felt a bit akward and out of place. Here it�s a totally different story; of course there are the plethora of Barbie-dolls wandering around in their bikinis with their perfect little thighs and their perfect little abs and their tight little booties and their perky little breasts� but then there�s also a significant number of not-so-hot chicks wandering around down here with their gunts hanging down over their bikinis and their love-handles protruding from their Daisy Dukes. So, being somewhere in the middle, I feel fairly comfortable down here in my shorts and tanktop. No one to impress, and knowing that even if there were, chances are they�re already on the Barbie hunt. Aside from the die hard sun worshipers, lifeguards and cop cars, the only other life form down here today is the seagull� Goddamn I hate seagulls. What is their purpose, anyway? They are absolutely rampant here in Redondo Beach, although I have to admit that for the most part they congregate mainly in one spot on the beach � what I�ve dubbed �Seagull Hill'. They're actually fairly well-behaved and harmless here... it's just the constant fear of being crapped on that causes my strong dislike for them. Well, that and then there's that time I was attacked by a seagull in Stanley Park and we had a fight over my hotdog (I won)... Anyway, there�s this one seagull that I�ve seen a couple of times hanging around here that has a third wing. It�s the craziest looking thing� it�s a gimp wing � doesn�t work, it just hangs there � but it�s definitely there, fully developed and hanging infront of his other wing on his left side. If I can find him again, I�ll take his picture. |